WORDS
Photo by Tandem X Visuals on Unsplash
on risks
I'm not sure how I became a horror writer. I mean, I'm not a horror writer, but I write a disproportionate amount of horror compared to how much I think about writing horror. Part of that is that MystoPress invited me to write for Paroxysm a few years ago, and I've come back each year because I like the themes, I like the folks involved, and I like being pushed out of my creative comfort zone.
But it feels risky, and I am risk-averse. Horror, contrary to non-horror-lover perception, is not actually easy. Maybe in film you can get away with killers popping up with knives, but even people who enjoy schlocky slasher films know that's a cheap trick. It works, but it's cheap. That's okay; not everything has to be elegant to be successful.
But horror in writing, for me, is hard. As much as I would like to think I have a sunny disposition, I'm a pessimist who thinks too much. I have two different anxiety disorders, for Pete's sake. You'd think it'd be easy for me to tap into that and explore all its nasty little crevices in fiction. But it's not! Anxiety, for me, manifests in ways that are not scary to the average person—that's why it's an "anxiety disorder" and not "a list of completely reasonable fears."
If I only wrote horror that translated my anxiety about the random things I'm anxious about, maybe it would be easier for me. But I seem drawn toward horror that is, in a sense, about horror. My first Paroxysm story was about, uh, being slowly overtaken by a fungus that is a not-at-all subtle metaphor for capitalism's erosion of our selves and our relationships with others. My second was about being afraid you can't escape someone's ideas of what you are. My third, the one in progress right now, is about forgiveness.
On the surface, I don't think any of these things are scary. Well, maybe they are, but not in the way that I associate with horror—my favorite kinds of horror are those that implicate the viewer/reader a bit. There's a reason I love Midsommar, and it's that moment at the end where my face lights up because I, too, feel someone's joy when I look at them, joyous, and then the sinking disgust of realizing what I'm rooting for.
That's not what I write. Maybe I will someday! But right now, it feels risky to even tackle these ideas that feel comparatively small. Is this even horror? I ask myself as I write. Is it scary? Can horror have a happy (in a sense) ending?
It would be easy to just give up on these stories because I have too many questions about them. But I don't—in part because my desire to be published exists—because I don't get better at anything by not doing it. To sit down and write a horror story, even one about forgiveness, even one with a happy ending, feels risky to me. So I take a risk, and I take another risk, and like all things that feel risky at first, maybe someday it will feel natural.
news
As you have no-doubt noticed, my newsletter looks a little different this month! I’ve moved from MailChimp, which has more bells and whistles that I need for an author with a tiny subscriber list, to Beehiiv, which has a much nicer design system and doesn’t take me like three clicks to get to where I actually write the newsletter. Incredible stuff.
I probably should have mentioned before it happened, but I attended this year’s WorldCon! I have never been before and felt that, since it was in Seattle, it was my best chance to go and get a feel for whether I would like it or not. And I did! I had a great time meeting folks, especially at the Authors Against Book Bans table where I volunteered for a good chunk of the five-day convention. Thank you to everybody I met there for being so warm and welcoming, and to that one person who misunderstood and thought we were for book bans, I hope you came by again later and saw that that was not the case.
LA is not so far from me as to be unreasonable to travel, so I will likely attend next year as well, and hopefully more in the future!
something i’m enjoying
I don’t think it will come as a shock to know that I’m an awkward person. Back before I started taking anxiety meds, I remember telling some friends that just the mere idea of existing was embarrassing to me—like, ooh, look at me, I’m a gross human with a physical body that takes up space and has hair and sweat and feelings, how cringe. The meds did help with that feeling a lot, but Melissa Dahl’s book Cringeworthy took things a step further. There’s a lot of wonderfully interesting science in this book, but the chapter that really landed for me was the one in which she discusses some of W. Kamau Bell’s work around awkwardness, and specifically the necessity of awkwardness in conversations about race. What Dahl extrapolates from this is that awkwardness is not only normal, but something to be celebrated. She talks about the “growing edge,” a space that you find when you reach a point of awkwardness and can choose to grow from it by looking it dead in the eye. I think that’s lovely, and will do my best to keep it in mind next time I decide to feel awkward about something as mundane as “asking for a glass of water” or “canceling attending an event because I’m ill.”
new stuff
criticism, et cetera
This month in mobile games news: a Fortnite/Apple roller-coaster, that may—MAY—bring the conflict to an end. Plus, Roblox is still weird.
In July's roundtable, two Sidequest editors come together to discuss summer fashion in games. Can Astarion pull off that hat? You decide.
In this week's mobile games news: Roblox breaks records and maybe even hearts. Plus, Fortnite's suggestive new skin names and a HoYoverse cafe.
audio, et cetera
Maddi and Melissa, the two people least likely to use games for escapism, sit down to discuss escapism in games.
She’s beauty and she’s grace, but is she… FEMINIST? (Please imagine Missy’s most sarcastic voice saying that.) That’s right, we’re talking about 2000’s Miss Congeniality, the pinnacle of 2000’s girl power. What does this film have to say about femininity? About neoliberalism? About… feminism? Let’s find out.
Another month, another batch of HOT NEW TOPICS from your favorite Fake Geek Girls.
Join us as we take a look at 2023’s Renfield, a big-budget fanfic (no, no, hear us out) continuation of the 1931 Dracula adaptation! This time, we’re discussing the purpose of remixing older media, masculinity, pop psychology, and copaganda, as well as how hot Nicholas Hoult looks as the saddest, wettest little man on Earth.
ET AL.
photo of the month
I had one (mostly) free day in San Diego after San Diego Comic Con, and I spent most of it in Old Town San Diego. It was neat, but the highlight was definitely this Zia Root Beer, which I picked up from a shop that sold almost nothing but root beer and jerky. The woman working even complimented my taste in root beer, which, if you know me, was incredibly flattering. Ya girl loves root beer. Anyway, nothing like an herbaceous, chilly beverage on an incredibly hot day.
Until next time,
Your favorite Melissa Brinks